It has been tried a couple of times. But as it is about our dear, wide, heterogeneous, fluid asexuality we’re talking about, doing a unique “You know you’re asexual when” list is really difficult and definitely wouldn’t represent many asexuals in many repects, if not at all.
So, instead I just made a list of the things that tell me that I am asexual. I find it is a great excercise for self-knowledge.
I know I am asexual because:
- At 28, I had to ask what sexual attraction was.
- I have never wanted to streap a love interest’s clothes off, no matter how in love I have been.
- When people said “He/she’s hot” I used to think it was some kind of a compliment relating to great looks.
- When, thanks to AVEN, I found out that it was possible to date somebody of my age (29) without having to immediately consider sex, I felt… RELIEVED.
- When watching E! Entertainment’s Hottest list I feel… nothing. I think “Wow, they have great bodies, must excercise a lot. Wish I was like that”. Ocasionally, a nice face accompanying the body makes my heart bump.
- When I see a big poster featuring a handsome man and a beautiful woman, both supposedly sexy, I approach it and lean… towards the woman, because I want to check her outfit out (or, when watching the DVD cover of Mr. and Mrs. Smith I completely ignore Brad Pitt in order to check Angelina’s ass, just because is perfect and I wonderd how to make mine look like that!).
- My younger cousins, the ones I once saw as little children, have dated and have had sex, while I haven’t done either.
- I fantazise about kissing, hugging and holding hands.
- I have seen my friends getting dumped/breaking out with strong significant others, crying their eyes out, dealing with singleness, then finding new love interests who become strong significant others, then getting engaged/married. In the meanwhile, I’ve been single all along and have always felt perfectly OK.
- When sex becomes the topic of any conversation I sigh and think “Here we go again!”.
- When I see a scene of casual sex, I think: “No way! Do people really do it with people they barely know?”
- When I learn that somebody had sex with their significant other soon after they became a couple, I think: “No way! Do people really do it that fast?”
- I thought unmarried couples had sex about once every two months. I was actually shocked when found out what the “normal” frequency was.
- I didn’t know that people begin to physically desire their significant ones at a given point of their relationships. And I learned this only because I read Annie on my mind.
- Before I knew about asexuality, I used to picture myself in relationships involving sex only because I thought it was what I, as an adult, was “supposed” to do, or what any significant other would “expect” me to do; not because I, physically or emotionally, needed or wanted to. Now that picture has changed.